Monday, March 30, 2009

Spotted: Remains of the J

what up, Gossip Girl enthusiasts! I am writing this yesterday and right now I'm at the Katy Perry concert; thankfully Canada gets Gossip Girl one day early (on account of good behavior). now since I'm also in the final throes of book-writing before my Tuesday deadline (zomg), let's keep things simple and use the old Bullet Points of Awesomeness style. (apologies ahead of time for typos, missed words, wacky formatting! i've had a lot of caffeine. zipzipzip!)
  • Blair hiding behind the shrubbery like Scooby Doo
  • Nate's password has been "soccer" since the 5th grade
  • So many kinds of jam!
  • "I do my cardio at night"
  • "If it was a reality show, I'd vote you off" Zing!
  • what was with the weird digital snow in Brooklyn?
  • Blair taking the bottle of '96 champagne
  • So much Dorota! A whole Polish doorman who hearts Dorota enough to read Ann Coulter (important to know your enemy)
  • Jenny liked her social grave.
  • Dan carried the chili. (Remember when he carried the garment bag?)
  • There is no denying that Jenny Humphrey's hair looked better than Serena van der Woodsen's for this entire episode. Don't even try, Jenny Haters and Serena Defenders. For that reason alone, Serena needed to leave town.
  • Points to the writers for bringing back the Savannah/Svetlana moment! I'm going to have to see if what the same dude both times...
  • "Only my boyfriend gets to touch my hair."
  • Nate and Blair and the ducks!
  • Chuck and Vanessa and the... let's not rhyme that. As soon as V showed up in a purple dress, there was no way they were not hooking-up. Chuck lives for purple. The Ed/Jessica chemistry was way more evident than the Leighton/Chace. No sparks!
  • Dan's #1 fan is his half-brother! (Which I may have yelled at the TV about 10 minutes before it happened!) Scott is also a wannabe writer who reads the New Yorker. AW.
  • But: two thumbs down for Poppy. Stop letting her talk so much. I did a quiz on (what? are nearly 30-yr-olds not supposed to?) about friends vs. frenemies, and Poppy is definitely a frenemy. Exhibits all the telltale signs.
this episode and the last one felt old-school and I'm lurving it. more please and thanks! oh but actually we are going to have to wait...til April 20th when the final 5 cylons episodes begin and run straight through til May 18th.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Spotted: The Grandfather

Yes, yes, yes. Excellent ending! excellent Blair-Nate, Blair-Chuck moments! Dan was funny! "Do you think the Humphreys have a crest? Something Jenny can stitch on to one of my cardigans?" And he was injured. twice. It's like the writers know what we need to see. Serena's glee at slapping Dan was brills. And she looks lovely in that blue. Keep putting her in blue, Eric Daman. But maybe run a brush through her hair every once in a while, K?

OK! So once again Jenny had zero plot of her own and mainly just spent her time online shopping, ordering pizza, and advising people on their more interesting lives (She's just like ME!). If I was Jenny and Vanessa was going to some Vanderbilt Fancytown Country House Party aka the Family Hoodoo, my head would probably explode with jealousy because you know she still has the hots for Nate and she still has the hots for fancy parties. I felt for Vanessa this episode (who wants to watch people play touch football? yawnsauce) but she did her spazzy thing again where she spazzed on Nate for not telling her about the internship and not choosing summer in the Eastern Bloc over it. For the level-headed, no-drama character, she freaks out. But then her big cry festival at the end made me think maybes she does love him and maybe I shouldn't be so happy about Blair asking Nate to stay with her.

the whole Rufus/Lily plot was of course absurd but don't people do weird shit like this in real life? i think they do. i've had to talk pals down after "disaster written all over it" moments like these. (i, of course, never do anything weird at all.) Lily is hilars when she's snippy with Rufus and I liked her white-framed glasses. But Slash? Ew. My mum quite rightly compared his appearance to that of a donkey's ass.

"What's this? Good cop, Bass cop?" oh Carter Baizen, are you just proto–Chuck Bass? I think I was wrong to judge you in season one! it was the poncho; it blinded me. too bads he got shipped off to Dubai already. i hope they bring him back next season. (he can sleep with Vanessa. Or Jenny. She'll have to have another love interest sometime.) also: love how Serena came back into town at the beginning of season 1 with multiple giant life-altering secrets: sex with nate, "killed" a guy, and "that night" in santorini with carter. what else did bad serena do? yowza.

I loved New Miss Blair and her slightly destructive rampage — stealing sunglasses, boffing Carter — and then deciding to throw her whole book of life in the fire . . . calling out society ladies on their misdeeds, spilling secrets, and toying with Chuck. "Maybe I should head up to the roof and make it a little more dramatic."

I love how in the movies & tv, rich people ALWAYS have so many rooms that one is never used and is perfect for a quiet conversation about the emptiness of privilege. There's nothing I adore more than Blair and Chuck, but I am 100% behind this Blair and Nate hook-up. It destroys the Nate/Vanessa happy-boring-town and makes Chuck upset which means he will be cruel which means he will be sooooooooo entertaining. Yessy yes. New Talks-a-Lot Nate made B feel safe first, Chucky!

my other fabbity-fave thing was how Blair was wearing the housecoat from last season! the one she lent to Serena! the one she wore the morning of the masked ball! outfit recycling on the Upper East Side: everything old can be new again!

so so, what did you guys think? better than last week's zaniness?

next week: "Remains of the J" — Jenny Humphrey turns 16 and S throws her a b-day bash . . .

Spotted: Lily's Lists

behold screen caps of Lily van der Woodsen's Yellow Pages of Lurve from "The Grandfater." A list of all the men she's slept with (unless "Lindsey Hall" is a woman and I'd like to think so).

Beyond the fictional characters — Rufus, Bart Bass, Claus and Klaus — there are the rock stars: Slash and Trent Reznor.

But the rest? It seems the prop department on Gossip Girl is having a bit of a laugh. The names are mostly crew guys!, some of whom grace the Gossip Girl set (i didn't check 'em all). But Randy Manion, locations manager; Ben Noble, electrician; Chris Nelson, leadman.

I love it.

The one name I don't see? Mr. "I'm a mystery and it looks like I'll be saved for season 3" van der Woodsen. Maybe Lil hadn't added him to the second page yet? Maybe Rufus didn't notice his conspicuous absence from the page of lurvers Lil gave him? Maybe it's all a little SUSPICIOUS.

Spotted: Dorota mówi język Polski

Remember when Dorota had more screen time, more lines, and more fans than Little Jenny Humphrey? (I still love you, Raccoon Eyes. Always have, always will.)

I bet you were wondering what the frak Dorota said to Chuck when he tried to bribe her.


The wonderful (and more Polish than her name suggests) Jeannette has done us the favour of translating:

Dorota: How much?! (Polish) Have you lost your mind, you little shit... I work for Miss Blair and not for you.... What did you think you were going to do... buy me?!?

Then Serena kindly steps in

Sunday, March 22, 2009

let me just tell you

hi monkeys! i am in the very final hours of a week off work. i am thinking about things such as alarm clocks and clean clothes and where is my MetroPass. i also just watched "The Grandfather," so I'm thinking about our Gossip Girl characters but when am i not. i am always thinking about them. or britney. or you.

my first deadline for my guide to Gossip Girl is rapidly approaching! that makes this whole book thing seem much more of a reality. that, and the world of e-commerce. the listings went up at the Amazons and the Chapters/Indigo (but not with the cover yet) so if you want to add me to your wishlist you totes can! My favorite part of the Amazon thing is if you search for "Crissy Calhoun" two things come up: my book (yes!) and a book called The Developers which contains this tidbit of glory: "He spun around, praying it wasn't her. But it was. Crissy Calhoun, perhaps the most annoying and most intelligent slut at Moxee ..."

yes yes yes. Could there be anything better than that? sigh. no.

on the new episode of Gossip Girl, Carter Baizen (Sebastian Stan) is once again gracing us with his presence -- we last saw him touching the knee of a down-on-her-luck Blair Cornelia Waldorf. as we know, those two are a real-life couple and i kinda love how many couples there are on the Gossip Girl set. I mean, why not? But is Chace Crawford the only single one? and Taylor Momsen but she is a youngun.

anyways, i watched the two hour premiere of Kings this past week, and let me tell you (a) i liked it, (b) will it go in the spot where Battlestar once was? (i don't mean in terms of being a Top Five Show of All Time show but in filling the now vacant "alternate universe deals with important questions and is sorta manly" department of my viewing habits), and (c) Sebastian Stan, who plays the son to the King, was jaw-droppingly good in it.

He's a bit of a Chuck Bass type — has an iconic father who's impossible to please, so he parties and always has ladies on his arm. But one scene in particular just got me. He and Leighton Meester are like this super-tv-acting-power couple. Nice work, kidlets. (And there's another cute dude on Kings, the blond one there with Sebastian. fyi.) I shall keep watching it!

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Monday, March 16, 2009

Spotted: The Age of Dissonance

welcome back Gossip Girl! If only, back in September, you had warned us that your season would be split in thirds, we could have anticipated these long dreary absences and made due as we did with Lost season 3. Less grumbling, more understanding. But you're back now and that's all that matters. (if you give us one more week without a new episode...)

The Age of Dissonance
First let's say cheerio to those unwelcome ladies who have now taken their leave: good riddance Miss Iowa, the easily corrupted Rachel Carr whose handwriting is like that of a fifth grader, but cheers for permanently messing Dan up by crushing his youthful optimism; and farewell to Elle the Mystery Girl who was more interested in the wallet in Chuck's pants than anything else.

Elle, I hated your plotline, I resent you for taking Chuck from Blair, if only for a few episodes, and I hope and pray to the Gossip Gods we've seen the last of the those dumb secret tattoos. As if all these high-society dudes have giant tattoos where everyone would see them everyday. I realize that you can't have Carter Baizen mooning Chuck Bass to reveal he too has the secret tattoo of the Super Secret Society!, but was there no other way? It's also un petit peu ridiculous that Mr. Campbell couldn't have told Chuck to go to the Eastview Hotel but instead sends him a traceable message. Nice touch, tho, to have the meeting place at the Eastview Hotel cuz in the Gossipverse that's where dudes get killed! (i'm using serena's very loose definition of the word "kill." you only die if you yourself snort the drugs that you yourself brought.)

Onto the play, which Chuck misses out on. A stroke of genius, that "acute stage fright" doctor's note.

The cast of characters of the Constance Billard–St. Jude's production of The Age of Innocence: Serena as May, the pretty socialite who follows the rules with perfection and grace but suspects her fiance, the dashing but questioning Newland Archer (as played by Dan), may have eyes for her cousin, the returned and disgraced Countess Ellen Olenska (Blair). And right she is; Newland and Olenska are in lurve but it can never be... Nelly Yuki dons spectacles and a fat suit to play Mrs. Manson Mingott, the matriarch of the family, granny to May and Ellen, who has a stroke when Beaufort (Nate) is revealed to be an embezzler. Oh and Penelope's the maid.

Giving proper credit to your literary predecessors is a classy thing to do and Gossip Girl owes a great heaping pile of thanks to the genius of Edith Wharton. I loved the awkwardness of the performance and how at least four people in the audience were playing on their cell phones during the show. Loved Nate's freakout and Charles Isherwood's interpretation of it and the poor tortured stage manager. Dorota holding up the extensions to see how they'd look on her. The director being so impossibly pretentious but just cute enough that we can see why Serena thinks he's hot. The Vanessa-as-Cyrano thing was kinda fun and led me to have fleeting hope that the end was nigh for V and N. And Serena: actually funny! It was pretty ludicrous!

Speaking of ludicrous... oh Blair, honey, you've lost your effing mind. Again. I love Blair on a rampage, and the stakes are pretty high (since Yale = her life plan since infancy), but holy mother of Gossip Girl. Blair hears the harsh truth when no one wants to play her games. Nelly Yuki shuts her down: "People aren't jealous of you. They hate you." And Serena doesn't believe Blair didn't send the blast: "Bottom line is betrayal is in your nature." The turn at the end of the episode worked for me -- Blair's rage redirected at herself, and her revenge on Ms Carr being simply for her to live with her actions. It's about time Blair felt remorseful.

But hooking up with Carter Baizen? A surefire path to feeling additional remorse. Turn back while you still can. I know it's fun to make out with your real-life boyfriend on TV, Leighton, but for Blair's sake, don't do it! Go make a cameo on Kings or something.

Now from ludicrous to mortifying: when Rufus found that note. when Rufus went to Rachel's apartment and she had candles lit? I thought I was going to fall right off the couch and die of secondary embarrassment. That is the worst. The dad of the guy you're all prettied up to have sexy times with comes to your house cuz you're doing it with a teenager. Oh god. Wait, was this the writers way of telling us that lusting after Chuck and Nate and Dan is somehow inappropriate for someone a few years older than them? No? Good. (There are a lot of hot pictures of Ed Westwick here.)

Sidebar question: What do I have to do to have hair like Blair Waldorf? I'm in the thick of writing Spotted: Your One and Only Unofficial Guide to Gossip Girl and that means I am watching a lot of GG and sometimes, instead of being focused on the task at hand, I find myself thinking about Leighton's hair and if it looks Blair Waldorf–good on her days off and what her recently debuted bangs will mean for Blair. I've only just come to terms with the slightly lighter brown of her hair this season (and it's episode 18). Also: Jenny's hair. Are you haters OK with it yet? Or is it still just me who thinks she looks cool?

So what's Blair going to do now that she ain't going to Yale? Is there still a chance for regular acceptance with the rest of the plebs? Or is this phase one in the Everyone Goes to the Same College Which Happens to Be on the Upper East Side plot?

Next week: "The Grandfather."


way back in das olden days, i wondered if since I'd met Julie Wilson, the brains behind Seen Reading, that meant I could never hever be seen reading! Well, through the power of COMPUTERS, I've been heard reading. (And I am no Grant Mazzy.)

Up on over at Seen Reading you can listen to me read the first page of Pontypool Changes Everything by Tony Burgess. yes, Pontypool as in that Bruce McDonald film creeping its way into cinemas and giving you the creepouts and the chuckles in the same breath.

Thursday, March 12, 2009 is having a fan-fiction contest...

And my friend Erin can write the perfect Brit-Fan-Fic outline in one second:

Britney is in a fairy costume. (win)

Britney is in the woods. (win)

Britney is on a swing in the woods. (double win)

Darkness begins to fall.

Thunder can be heard in the distance. (uh oh)

The woods are not friendly now! Creepers of the natural (or supernatural) variety abound.

Britney is trapped! (by literal and metaphorical monsters)

Britney hears a sound. Is it the laughter of small children? (yes)

Britney follows the sound and comes upon two small children in the woods.

She takes their hands and they lead her into a clearing and onto a path.

The storm dies down. The sun comes out.

Britney and the children walk away together, into the sunny future (win/win/win – as one Michael Scott would say)

(p.s. the video for "if you seek amy" is up on