Saturday, February 21, 2009

Spotted: What to Do on Mondays Until GG Returns

we still have three Mondays left before a new Gossip Girl episode airs. here's what you should watch to fill the void. Well, part of the void. Visit your local video store (do people still do that?) and pick up:

aranoid Park Taylor Momsen is Littler J in this 2007 Gus van Sant film. Or you could rent the Grinch movie...

This one's a twofer! Leighton Meester and Penn Badgley (what a pair of weird names) are in this goofy horror movie. Warning: creepy clown content is high.

Son of Rambow There's not a lot of Ed Westwick, but this movie is a real charmer and when you do get scenes with Ed, he's all Britishy.

The Covenant Chace Crawford plus Sebastian Stan (Carter Baizen, who's coming back to the Upper East Side this season) with the added bonus of Friday Night Lights' Taylor Kitsch, my #1 tru lurve. Does the plot really matter? No, it does not.

More? OK: the Sisterpants movies for Blake L, Band of Brothers for Matthew S, John Tucker Must Die for Penn with terrible hair, The Haunting of Molly Hartley to see Chace play a dumbed-down version of Nate, and Melrose Place to relive the glory with Kelly Rutherford.

But the best replacement for new episodes of Gossip Girl is watching
The O.C. while simultaneously reading the Gossip Girl novels. You won't know the difference. Just kidding, Gossip Girl. I'm just pissy cuz I miss you...

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Food Blog!

sometimes i like to tell my sister that my blog is a food blog. that (extra)creeps her out for some reason. and today it's true!

i have a generous friend who had an extra slow cooker. she gave it to me. yesterday i looked up a recipe, bought the ingredients (a bit of a challenge cuz yesterday? a holiday. grozzery stores closed.), and this morning, before a sip of coffee, i stuck them in the cooker and turned it on! 10 hours til suppertime!

what i made was a variation of Chicken Casablanca, chosen mainly because there was nothing gross in it and I like alliteration. lucky for me i had rice leftover from my Japanese take-out lunch so i had nothing to do but eat when i got home. my apartment smelled awesome. my dinner was hot and ready. you guys, i am over the moon about this. I recommend that anyone who likes food and doesn't have a personal chef should pick one up.

in other food bloggery news, i am going to try the Self Challenge. What is the Self Challenge, you ask? I do not really know but it starts on Thursday! I bought the issue with Jenna Fischer on the cover, and read about the pre-prep for the challenge (make playlists, buy sneakers, predict your "i can't exercise" excuses and prepare to battle them). The Challenge has something to do with exercising and eating right for a while? Three months? Anywayz, I am giving it a try! I need someone to tell me what to do with myself. Left to my own devices, I pig out and laze about. XKCD has a comic that accurately represents my adulthood:

Forget you, bacon. I'm turning this beat around. Maybe I'll tell you about it! Maybe if I don't quit on Day 2!

and a final item of business: remember back when I told you about trying the DoubleTubes mascara? well, here's a coupon should you wish to try that stuff yourself.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Why Are You So Blairanoid?

excellent new gossip girl promo:

Master Gossip Girl's Speak of the Week! This installment: Lesson #39 - Blairanoid.

Master Gossip Girl's upcoming "Speak of the Week"! This installment: Lesson #56 - Ment-Whore.


love love, Money, booze
I'd swap 'em all to be
with youse

Love Love
me Bob.

(1963, Bob Dylan to Suze Rotolo)

Monday, February 09, 2009

Guest Blogger: 90210pinions Returns [exclamation point]

Hello and welcome to a brand new day here at the Calhoun Tribune! For the first time, we have a GUEST BLOGGER! Craig Irving still watches New 90210 and has kindly volunteered (after I pressured him) to update us on the most annoying teen drama that ever was. Spoiler alert: Dr. Pepper still getting major play.

I'm not usually a hater, but you can't just call a show "90210" and get away with it. If your program is "based upon an original idea by Darren Star," you're going to be subjected to a little scrutiny. You can't say these kids are from West Beverly and...okay fine, I'm getting a little carried away. At first I didn't think I could write this article, because even after 15 episodes I still can't remember these damn kids' names. My Chief Editor is probably going to have to fill in some blanks and compensate for my mistakes. [Ed. note: Names, schmames. You can call them Annoying, Spazzy, and More Annoying.]

I still wonder how a show from 2008 can possibly be less edgy and have less drama than its predecessor from 18 years ago. I'll refrain from treading down the path of comparisons however, since all things should be judged on their own merit. So let me start judging...

90210pinions (episode 14 & 15 mash-up)
These kids are completely out of control and it's clear they're either going to hurt themselves, or hurt someone else. Adriana now drives around recklessly by drinking too much coffee. She's pregnant, you know, and this caffeine habit has to stop now. I'm going to bullet point a few things, to bring us all up to speed.
  • Ty is the father of Adrianna's child... they hooked up in rehab.
  • Teacher Ryan is back from South Dakota and is brooding. He's been pushed too far, and been under-appreciated for too long.
  • CW doesn't want to pay Joe E. Tata anymore to say the odd line at the Peach Pit. (Look, I realize it's a novelty, and only one that a select few will appreciate — but I want it. You're calling this 90210, so you owe it to us. We deserve Joe E. Tata.)
  • I still have blind delusions that when the episode airs that Jason Priestley directed, that it's going to change *everything* as we know it.
Navid and Dixon are mourning over their lost loves. A frustrated Navid, in an effort to understand women better, turns to a book on the art of pick up called The Creed. Which they're obviously ripping on Neil Strauss' book The Game: it's black and bible-like with gold pages. After Navid makes an embarrassing attempt at charming a girl by insulting her, Dixon's lesbian friend gives Navid some incredible advice: JUST BE YOURSELF. It's quite ground-breaking.

Of course, this works like a charm. Moments later, Navid is at a party. Y'know one of those outdoor house parties where semi-famous indie bands play, but everyone is indifferent and no one watches them. He decides to approach a girl with his buddies.

Navid tells this girl how un-cool he is, how he plays World of Warcraft, and that the girl should definitely lower her expectations if she's going to continue talking to him... and wouldn't you know it, this girl is allllllllll over him. She's even a 7th level Mage. Serendipity!

Dixon broke up with Silver because she has intimacy problems, and she wouldn't reciprocate his "I love you" while they were building sand castles. [Ed. note: YES! I hate those two together.] She can't tolerate being vulnerable, and he knows she can't meet his emotional needs. Frankly, here's my biggest problem: Dixon has too much self-respect to be 16 years old. I didn't even have that level of self-respect at 25.
After Silver's public freak-out when she shows up randomly at a party, she and Dixon finally confront their issue on the street. In moments, they have a complete emotional break-through, express their undying love, and get back together. [Ed. note: Crap! I hate those two together.]

...If that wasn't enough of an emotional ringer to put us all through, did I mention that Annie lost the lead part of Cleopatra to Adrianna for the school play?

Okay, seriously. One more thing has to be said: Ty's Moustache. It's really terrible. I know kids can't grow moustaches easily (and most shouldn't try), but we know damn well Ty's not 16 years old. There's no excuse for this.
Now, I know the original 90210 pilot had valet, and other ridiculous riches that you wouldn't find at a school (even in Beverly Hills), but am I the only one that finds this completely ridiculous? Not only have I never been to a high school that offered live televised broadcasting by the students, with seemingly no regulations...

...but isn't it just a *little* unnecessary to have an entire hallway full of LCD TVs no more than 6 feet apart from each other?

what will happen tomorrow night in the Bev Hills? "Of Heartbreaks and Hotels" is the Valentine's Day episode; Aimee Teegarden (a.k.a. FNL's Julie Taylor) is back as Rhonda and Naomi is living at a hotel? I miss her.

Sunday, February 08, 2009

i'm the macaroni with cheese

i've had this song in my head for DAYS! take hits from the eighties (ya ya) but do it sound so crazy.

tonight is the Grammys! i am scared that i am accidentally going to watch the whole thing and then 7 hours will have been taken from me. but i would like to see Katy Perry and Miley/Swiftie perform, and Kanye and hmm, maybe that's it. and since you're dying to know: if I was in charge, here's who would win the categories I care about.

Record Of The Year Paper Planes, M.I.A.
Album Of The Year Anyone but Coldplay
Song Of The Year Chasing Pavements, Adele (but this is a pretty thin category!)
Best New Artist Jazmine Sullivan (based on a quick YouTube listen)
Best Female Pop Vocal Performance I Kissed a Girl, Katy Perry
Best Male Pop Vocal Performance Closer, Ne-Yo (by process of elimation and this is the only one I can sing in my head AND there was a SYTYCD routine to it!)
Best Pop Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocals
Apologize, OneRepublic
Best Pop Collaboration With Vocals
yuck x 5
Best Dance Recording
Harder, Faster, Better, Stronger, Daft Punk
Best Electronic/Dance Album Robyn, Robyn (or Cyndi Lauper. As long as there is a Y in the winner's first name.)
Best Rap Solo Performance
Paris, Toyko, Lupe Fiasco
Best Rap Performance By A Duo Or Group Swagga Like Us, Jay-Z & T.I. Featuring Kanye West & Lil Wayne
Best Rap/Sung Collaboration Superstar, Lupe Fiasco ft. Matthew Santos
Best Rap Song
Superstar, Lupe Fiasco ft. Matthew Santos
Best Rap Album The Cool, Lupe Fiasco
Best Score Soundtrack Album The Dark Knight, James Newton Howard & Hans Zimmer, composers
Best Song Written For Motion Picture
Walk Hard, Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story
Producer Of The Year, Non-Classical
Rick Rubin (yes, mainly because I'm editing a book on him right now)

p.s. i bet my downstairs neighbours have a lot of opinions on the Grammys since they love music so much they blast it really loud all the time. like at 8:30 this morning and 11:30 the other night. also: they listen to crappy music! roasted!

Monday, February 02, 2009

Spotted: Carrnal Knowledge

Watching the first third of this episode, I was like, oh pretty good, excellent Dorota coverage, and then. and then. Dan Humphrey. Dan HUMPhrey. ZOMG: DAN HUMPHREY. I know we all knew it was gonna happen but still: exciting times! Of course, Dan would only have an illicit affair with the teacher once he is single and she isn't a teacher at his school but whatevs.

First let's forget that it's implausible that both Serena and Dan would know where Rachel "Commie Cornhusker" Carr lives.

Now let's remember some of the highlights, shall we!

  • Blair's speech to the troops: This. Is. Constance.
  • Hazel: Thank you, Jesus. Blair: No, thank you, Blair.
  • Points to Vanessa for "The Chuck Bass version of Narnia?" but why was she wearing green neon pants?
  • Remember when Dan dissed Jenny's raccoon eye makeup and said she looked like one of the Incredibles? Was I the only person in the universe who thought Jenny looked cool? Oh man. I was.
  • Forget the Eyes Wide Shut sex-party secret society mystery. What the frak were Nate and Vanessa laughing about so crazily when they were playing the piano? Srsly. All those people do is get along and make out. Argh.
  • How incredibly tall is Serena compared to Ms Carr? it was like My Giant.
  • Chuck's double-jointed masseuse makes "the kama sutra feel new again." haaaaa.
  • Note: Blair loves Damages. And 11th hour exculpatory evidence.
  • Blair IS eerily prophetic! But also: a liar.
  • Serena needs a bigger umbrella.
Some wardrobe details stolen from Blair's at-school outfit: H&M coat, BGN skirt and Robert Clergerie shoes (pictured in yellow. look how effing cute they are.) and bag. Serena in her schooly garb: James Perse blouse and sweater, her uniform skirt, Hue tights and Diane von Furstenberg boots and carrying a Nuti bag.

now an important QUESTION: Why is Chuck all crazy in love with this new Elle girl? WHY? I know Blair was all, "Have your peonies back, Bass; it's over." But he loves Blair. Blair is the most beautiful woman he's ever seen, not new skeezy high-class escort/nanny girl. I boo her and her thin lips.

Also: now that she's gone missing, are we ramping up to an end of season murder investigation? Prime suspect: Chuck Bass?

As always, kids, I will post next week's trailer after some dedicated GG fan uploads it to youtube. (thanks, keener!) Until then, some new, some old
Gossip Girl cast—related items to keep us sated until the next episode:
**Update: so APPARENTLY we aren't getting a new episode until either March 2 or March 9! But that episode is called "Blair Waldorf's Day Off." Which bodes well. I'm hoping she sings Twist & Shout on a parade float and someone kicks an expensive car through a glass wall into a ravine. (schedule info from Gossip Girl Insider, there's some spoilery plot details on that link so watch out!)